“Self discovery” can sound a little intangible. For me, it brings to mind teenagers with wealthy parents going on a gap year to Thailand to ‘find themselves’. You are yourself, so what is there to discover?
I’ve realised now that self discovery doesn’t necessarily mean seeking spiritual awakenings or attaining nirvana. Rather, it is the daily process and exercise of defining and assessing your values, goals and beliefs, and developing a personal philosophy to guide you through life.
This might still sound intangible to you, but what I’m saying is, self discovery isn’t a passive revelation. The universe won’t tell you who you are. Self discovery could be called ‘self iterating’ or ‘self definition’, because it requires you to actively sit and question yourself and create a standard for the ‘self’ that you want to be, and then you must measure and evaluate your current self against the self you want to be.
Journaling can help us in the process of better understanding and defining ourselves, and working on ourselves. If you can commit to regularly writing and exploring your thoughts, feelings and behaviours, honestly, you can receive valuable insights into what you currently prioritise and value. This can help to set new values, beliefs and goals or to better define our existing ones.
When you know yourself and you have a defined system of values and goals, you will find that you have a greater sense of direction and purpose in life. Every action you take can be measured against your own internal standard to which you hold yourself. Every decision you make can be for the purpose of furthering your progress towards your goals and self-development.
It’s not as intangible or spiritual as it may sound. As Socrates said, “To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom”.
How to journal for self discovery
Journaling is an excellent tool for defining and forming the ‘self’. It provides a judgement free space to be honest with ourselves and to regularly explore and analyse our thoughts, feelings and actions. We can ask questions that we might not normally consider day-to-day, such as, “What are my values?”, “What are my goals?” and “How did my actions today align with the person I want to be?” In this way, you can really start to understand yourself better. Your motivations, your emotional triggers, things that set you off course – this is all open for exploration and defining within the pages of your journal.
Here are some of the techniques that I use, which may benefit you if you’re seeking to journal for self discovery.
Goal setting
If your goals are vague, or you haven’t yet set any, your journal is the perfect place to ask yourself, what is it that you want? Really think about what it is you want to achieve and the steps you will need to take to get there. Don’t see reaching the goal as an end point, but rather as a step in continual improvement.
When we give ourselves space to be honest about what it is we want, we can often surprise ourselves with the answer. Do I actually want money? Or do I want the freedom and security it can bring? Do I actually want a six pack? Or do I want long term health and happiness?
There is nothing wrong with wanting something, but a huge part of self discovery is knowing exactly what you want, why you feel like you want it and what you think will happen when you have it.
Ryan Holliday recently wrote that he doesn’t set goals because they represent an end point and remove the sense of achievement from just ‘doing the process’. The goal to write a book means you are done when the book is done, and that you might become so fixated on getting the book ‘finished’ that you fail to enjoy the process of writing. I can see his point of view, but I’m definitely a goal-oriented person. I like having something to strive towards.
Identify patterns and triggers in emotions and behaviours
Part of self discovery is being aware of patterns in our emotions and behaviours. By understanding the patterns, we highlight parts of ourselves that we just ‘fall into’. Actions, thoughts and feelings which are instinctive and reactive.
When we highlight them, we can then try to analyse the ‘triggers’. These are things that happen which lead us to respond in an instinctive, non-considered manner, and we can start to put plans, processes and strategies in place for how to identify the triggers, pause and realise we are about to act instinctively, and then consider if that is the way we want to act. Is the way we are going to act in-line with our values and personal philosophy?
This might seem like a lot to consider before reacting in any situation, and it is, but this is why journaling is an exercise. By regularly journaling, you are able to bring your focus and attention back to what matters to you and to assess yourself against your own standards.
Practising self reflection and kindness
The ability to self-reflect is one that I often find is undervalued, but the people who practise and improve on this skill are those who are able to correctly identify their own strengths and weaknesses, and who can accurately find areas to improve or develop themselves.
By taking the time to regularly self-reflect we can ask ourselves, am I where I want to be? And if not, what do I need to do to get there? Do I have the necessary skills and abilities, and if not how do I get them?
But it is also important to practise being kind to ourselves. Rather than just being critical and seeking fault, we should self reflect with the aim of improving ourselves and bettering ourselves. Rather than saying, I’m not where I hoped I would be, instead we should focus on, how do I get to where I want to be? And take pride in the fact we’re taking steps to get there.
Improve communication skills
While it may seem counterintuitive that writing (a largely solitary pursuit) can help us improve our communication skills, journaling allows us to practise situations ahead of time or assess situations after the fact (to look for areas to improve, both of which can help us develop as communicators. Not only that, but through journaling, you can try and put yourself into other people’s shoes, helping you better understand their motivations and points of view, which can help you become a better communicator with that person. This can be a fantastic way to strengthen and deepen bonds and develop effective communication styles.
Develop and practice a personal philosophy
Your personal philosophy is a combination of your values, goals and beliefs and can help to guide you and provide a set of principles by which you measure yourself.
Developing a personal philosophy can lend meaning to your actions and thoughts. It can define your purpose, and this purpose can be applied to all aspects of life. If this sounds a little overstated, try as an exercise, defining four values that you truly believe in. For the next week, let those values guide your actions and write about what you see as your successes and failures have been in living up to those values.
For example, ‘family’ might be a value. Have you prioritised your family this week? Or have you allowed other things to become more important? And if so, how will you do better to demonstrate that you value your family next week?
Defining your values narrows your focus. Sure, work may be important, but do you value it more than time with your family? And if you don’t, why are you staying late at the office or answering emails when your children try to talk to you? With a well defined personal philosophy, you give yourself purpose and life can become easier to navigate.
Self discovery journal prompts
Journaling prompts can be extremely useful for self discovery because they force us to ask ourselves questions we might not normally ask. Below are some journal prompts, tailored for self-discovery. Hopefully they will provide some insight into your ‘self’ and the self you want to be.
How comfortable am I with expressing my emotions? Are there specific emotions I tend to avoid or suppress? Why?
How do I show up in my closest relationships (with friends, family, partner)? What kind of support do I offer, and what do I expect in return?
How do I want to be remembered by the people in my life? What actions am I taking to live up to that legacy?
How do I handle failure or setbacks? What have I learned from my recent challenges?
How satisfied am I with my career path or life’s work? What does success look like to me, and am I on track to achieving it?
Have I ever compromised my values in a situation? What did I learn from that experience?
If I’m a father or hope to be one, what kind of father do I want to be? What values do I want to instill in my children?
What mindset shifts could help me live more fully or achieve my goals?
For more prompts, check out my journaling prompts, and if you’re new to journaling, start with my post on ‘how to journal’.