Facing the end to better shape the middle
Why write about death at all?
At home, I proudly display a copy of ‘Japanese Death Poems’. It’s a beautifully curated book of poems written by people just before their deaths.
Whenever people see the book on my coffee table, they immediately label it as morbid and wonder why I would want to be thinking of death. To me though, the book isn’t morbid at all. If anything, it is a beautiful and poignant reminder of the joy of life. These people are meditating on the purpose of life, discovering the things they are most grateful for and contemplating what might come next. Rather than making me think about death, it makes me more appreciative of life.
As Carl Jung said;
“If you accept death, it is altogether like a frosty night and an anxious misgiving, but a frosty night in a vineyard full of sweet grapes. You will soon take pleasure in your wealth. Death ripens. One needs death to be able to harvest the fruit. Without death, life would be meaningless, since the long-lasting rises again and denies its own meaning. To be, and to enjoy your being, you need death, and limitation enables you to fulfill your being.”
For many of us, we don’t like to think about death or be faced with thoughts of our own mortality. Instead, we make ourselves busy with goals, grind culture, and mindless distractions, telling ourselves this is living. But lurking behind many of our choices is an unspoken truth: life is finite.
Journaling about death and writing about mortality is not about ruminating on the end or a sense of futility, but rather about sharpening our focus and helping us better realise what matters the most to us here and now and how we need to make the most of what time we have. Journaling gives us the space to approach the question: If life is short, how will you live it? With honesty and conviction.
The gift of mortality: remembering that time is limited
The idea that remembering death helps you live more fully isn’t new. The Stoics called it ‘memento mori’; “remember you will die.” and far from being morbid or depressing, they believed that the awareness of death made us more able to focus on the things that matter in life, and live more fulfilling, more virtuous lives.
Oliver Burkeman, author of Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, puts it this way:
“The average human lifespan is absurdly, terrifyingly, insultingly short.”
We get around 4,000 weeks. That’s it. But instead of letting that fact send us spiraling into despair or nihilism, journaling can help us gain the most from this time by helping us clarify our purpose, energy, and direction.
Try considering this prompt:
Prompt: If I had one year left, what would I stop doing? What would I finally start doing?
Journaling to understand your legacy
Your legacy isn’t just about what you build or leave behind. It’s about how you live. It’s about what people remember when your name is spoken, and how your actions ripple outward, even after you’re gone. I’ve spoken before about whether you are living resumé values or eulogy values, well living your eulogy values is how you begin shaping your legacy, so it’s worth defining them sooner rather than later. Try considering:
- What do I value above all else?
- What kind of man do I want to be remembered as?
- Who do I want to impact most and how?
“Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones.” – Shannon L. Alder
The power of the eulogy exercise
Talking of eulogy values, one of the most powerful journal exercises you can try is this: write your own eulogy.
Imagine people standing to speak about your life; friends, family, coworkers, people you helped, people who loved you. What do they say? What kind of stories are shared?
This isn’t about ego. It’s about alignment. So you should be considering what you would like them to say, and what you actually think will be said, and where the two are misaligned, you have a clear impetus to work towards embodying that characteristic.
If the person you want to be remembered as isn’t reflected in how you’re living now, journaling becomes a powerful way of realising that, and an extremely useful tool to begin closing that gap.
Prompt: If someone gave a eulogy for me tomorrow, what would I want them to say? What would they actually say?
How facing death reignites life
Journaling about mortality isn’t a morbid exercise, in fact, it’s the opposite. It’s designed to reignite your energy for living, to help you identify what truly matters and to identify the values and purpose you want to live by.
When you face mortality directly, you start making different choices:
- You say what you need to say because you are aware time is limited. You tell important people what they mean to you and become better at setting boundaries that would limit your time.
- You drop things that drain you, which can be really difficult to do when you think in terms of, “well, it doesn’t cost me anything” and start to realise that it costs you time, and time is the most valuable resource we have.
- You pursue what excites and fulfills you because you have an increased awareness of your own values and the value of life, making you less likely to waste time on unfulfilling activities.
- You become more generous with your time and attention, which can sound counterintuitive, after all, didn’t I just say your time was the most valuable resource you had? It is, and once you become better at protecting it, not wasting it on things that drain you or leave you unfulfilled, you will find you actually have more time to give to the things that give your life meaning.
- You stop waiting for the “right time” to begin living because you stop telling yourself there will be more time. You stop getting into the mindset that you have time to waste while you wait for everything to align and be perfect, and this can be powerful in making you more productive.
Journaling helps you clear away distractions and put your attention where it truly matters. Try the following prompts:
Prompt: What am I holding back because I think I have more time?
Prompt: If today were my last, what would I regret not doing, saying, or being?
Journaling as a mirror for the soul
We don’t get to choose how much time we have. But we do get to choose how present, how intentional, and how deeply we live.
Journaling about death doesn’t make life darker. It makes it richer. It reminds us that we are the authors of our experience, and whilst we can’t control the circumstances of lives, we can certainly control the way we choose to experience those circumstances.
This type of journaling can be extremely freeing and really help you to focus on where you should be putting your energy in life. I would urge you to start small today, consider one of the prompts and work your way to defining, and ultimately living, your eulogy values.
When we write about death, we’re really writing about life and how to make it count.
Dave Bawden is the founder of This Journaling Journey, where he helps people (especially men) use journaling to rewrite their personal myths, reconnect with meaning, and define success on their own terms. He writes at the intersection of self-authorship, narrative identity, and everyday philosophy.
