I’ve been reflecting a lot recently on the idea that there are very few positive role models for men. It’s so easy to find people online who extol flashy, performative values. Spending money they don’t have, taking performance enhancers to show off a certain type of body, talking about ‘alpha’ males as though masculinity exists on some sort of hierarchy.
A big problem is that these people are loud and brash and open about their lack of virtues and their willingness to do anything to portray the lifestyle of a ‘successful’ man. When they do something morally abhorrent, it’s ‘on-brand’ and we forgive them easily because consistency of character is often judged more favourably than the the actual merit of character.
By contrast, someone who is quiet, virtuous, caring, loving and portrays an alternative view of manliness gets very little attention, and if someone like that does gain the spotlight, it only takes one perceived moral slip to undo a whole lifetime of morality.
The morally bankrupt don’t need to prove who they are day in and day out, but the virtuous and the good? Well, they can only be judged in hindsight it appears.
In a world obsessed with likes, shares, and visibility, it’s easy to think that only what’s seen matters. We measure impact by metrics. We assume goodness must be loud to count. But virtue, the steady practice of courage, kindness, discipline, integrity, rarely trends. It’s not flashy. It doesn’t chase attention. And yet, it’s the quiet backbone of a life well-lived.
No one sees the moment you decide not to lie. No one cheers when you bite your tongue instead of lashing out. There are no awards for staying sober another day, for keeping a promise when it would be easier not to. But these things matter. They build who you are. They shape the kind of father, friend, partner, or stranger you become.
We live in an age of performance. But virtue isn’t performance. It’s practice. It happens in private, over time. And though it may not “go viral,” it is contagious in the truest sense. Your steady example, lived, not broadcast, can ripple outward. Quietly. Powerfully. Meaningfully.
So today’s prompt is:
What is one private, unacknowledged act of integrity you’ve done recently? What did it cost you, and what did it give you?
Who in your life quietly models virtue without ever seeking attention for it? What can you learn from their example?
Happy journaling!
Dave Bawden is the founder of This Journaling Journey, where he helps people (especially men) use journaling to rewrite their personal myths, reconnect with meaning, and define success on their own terms. He writes at the intersection of self-authorship, narrative identity, and everyday philosophy.
