How to use your journal to define your personal values

If someone was to ask you today, what are your personal values? How do you think you would respond? Do you have clearly defined values or are they more vague notions that you’ve never fully fleshed out? Or would you struggle to answer, having never fully given it much thought?

Wherever you are in your journey to define your personal values, it’s important that it is something you do give serious consideration to. Having clearly defined values gives us a sense of purpose and direction, guides our decision making and makes us more resilient. Our relationships are deepened as we can recognise when our values align with those of someone else. Most importantly though, defining our own core values and beliefs prevents external forces deciding them for us – something which can lead to a lot of frustration.

Journaling allows us to reflect on what is important to us and to identify trends in what we put ahead of other things, as well as what traits we respect in other people we encounter. It can be an exceptional tool for promoting self-discovery and helping us to identify and define our core, personal values.

In this article, we will look at why it is important to define your values, how to use your journal to help define those values, and techniques to implement your values and live more purposefully. Defining your values is a vital step to defining your overarching personal philosophy and helping you frame the way you approach life.

Why defining your values matters

Firstly, why is it important that we have clearly defined values in the first place? The likelihood is, if you don’t have them, you’ve been getting along perfectly fine in life regardless. Well, the truth is, whether you’re aware of them or not, you will have values. The way you treat your relationships, your attitude to work, the way you expect to be treated by other people. These all form part of your value system, and just because you haven’t gone through an exercise of identifying and writing them down, it doesn’t mean you don’t have them.

In fact, the people we interact with, the media we consume and our immediate environment can all help to shape our values, which means if you aren’t defining them, other people are. This can be a worrying situation that can lead to feelings of detachment, frustration and anger, when the values that are being prescribed to us don’t align to what we internally know we value.

For the sake of autonomy and self-awareness then, it is extremely important that we have an awareness of our own value system. Defining and aligning ourselves to our internal values offers many benefits, such as:

Guiding your decisions: Well defined values act as a compass, always pointing us to what we believe is right. In this way, they remove uncertainty and second guessing, because choices and decisions become much clearer. Ask yourself, does this decision align with my values? Does this action bring me closer to, or further away from, the man I strive to be? Whenever you feel stuck, or uncertain, you can look to your values to help make the right move more clear.

They give life purpose and direction: Without understanding our values, it can become all too easy to get caught up in chasing things that don’t bring us fulfillment. What we want and what we should be striving for become defined by others and this can lead to enormous dissatisfaction. With clear, defined values, you are giving your life focus and direction, making decisions that align with what you believe is right and building a life and way of living that you can be proud of.

They make us more resilient: Life constantly deals us setbacks and challenges and it can be easy to become derailed and thrown off course. A well defined set of values can act to keep us grounded and purposeful, even under immense pressure. Look at Marcus Aurelius and the many challenges he faced, but his deep understanding of his own values acted as a compass, guiding his decision making and allowing him to keep moving forward, even when things were extraordinarily difficult.

They build confidence and self-respect: When you can look to your values to guide your decision making, you can start to better trust yourself. With enough practice, you should begin to instantly know the right path to take, the right decision to make and the right action in any given circumstance. It is the one that aligns with your values. You can stop living to please other people, and stop letting others hold so much influence over your decision making and your path, and you can start to live in a way that feels more authentic.

They improve our relationships: Understanding our own values allows us to better define what we will and won’t tolerate, what values we look for in other people, and how we expect to be treated. This can help us become better at setting boundaries, communicating more effectively and identifying people with whom we share values and principles. This can lead to deeper and more satisfying connections.

Defining values isn’t some exercise that we do and then forget about. It takes work to refine your values and then to practice living them each and every day. But without a defined value system, we run the risk of having decisions made for us, of being pushed down paths that don’t bring us satisfaction and of forming relationships with people that are not based on mutual respect. It’s something that we see a worrying amount in young men, that their opinions and behaviour are overly influenced by other people, that they act in a way that makes them unsatisfied and deepens their sense of feeling lost and dissociated, and that they are forced down paths and into careers and relationships that don’t bring them any satisfaction.

Why journaling works for defining values

A journal is a powerful tool for helping us define, refine and implement our values. It is a space for deep and honest reflection, which can help us to uncover hidden beliefs and priorities. Over time, you should naturally start to see areas of your life where you are putting in more effort and areas where you are putting in less, as well as actions, behaviours or thoughts of others that inspire you and those that don’t connect with you.

By looking back through entries, and asking ourselves challenging questions, we can start to build a picture of our internal belief system. What do we value in our careers, in our personal lives, in our relationships? What values do we see in others that resonate with us? Are there areas of our life that bring us enormous satisfaction but which we don’t prioritise? And if so, how do we prioritise those areas moving forward?

Journaling slows you down to think more deeply and allows you to question your value system. Whilst it may not be something you’ve given too much thought to in the past, your journal is the perfect place to give it deep thought and really carve out the things that matter most to you in life.

Step-by-step: using your journal to define your values

Now you understand the importance of defining your values and how journaling can help you do this, it’s time to look at what is actually involved and how to identify the areas that matter to you and form part of your core value system.

Firstly, you should set the right environment. You need to be able to do some deep thinking and introspection, so make sure you set aside dedicated time and remove any distractions.

Next, you should begin to ask yourself powerful questions. I’ll share a some targeted prompts in the next section, but you will want to think about things like, “What do I admire most in others?”, “What angers or inspires me deeply?” and, “What principles am I unwilling to compromise?” At first, it might be difficult to answer these questions, but stick with it. They are meant to be challenging, and doing the work will help you draw better insights into what you find important.

As well as using prompts and questions, you should use your journal to reflect on life experiences. In particular, reflect on moments you were proud of or disappointed in yourself. How were you acting in those moments? Why were you acting that way? If you were able to go back, would you act differently or the same? Who were you with, and how did their presence affect your behaviour and actions? Did other people in that situation act in a way that you admire, or did you not like the way they acted?

Thinking in this way will help you start to identify patterns and recognise the thoughts, behaviours and actions that you value. As a parent to a young child, a lot of my journaling is around my successes and failures as a father, and identifying these helps me recognise patterns in thoughts and actions that lead me to behave in a certain way. From that, I can ascertain that taking care of my family and being the best father I know how to be are important values that I hold.

By journaling daily and answering tough, probing questions and reflecting on our experiences, we start to build a catalogue of data and information, and this is the important groundwork of journaling, but it is not enough to simply stop there. Now you must search for insights in all this information and reflect on your entries.

Start by going through and highlighting the recurring words, ideas or feelings from your entries. Is there a common theme in the things that make you feel proud or happy or satisfied or fulfilled? What about the things that make you feel angry or frustrated or isolated? What are those common themes?

Are there people who recur in your journal entries that inspire you or that you feel a deep emotional connection to? Are there people who you only associate with challenging emotions and difficult relationships?

Identifying patterns in this way is how you start to build a roadmap of what is important to you. If things are repeatedly coming up, that is a good indication they are important to you.

Eventually, you should end up with a list. It may take the form of a word cloud or a bullet point list, or even just highlighted passages in your journal entries. However you choose to do it, this list should represent the thoughts, feelings, behaviours and relationships that are important to you (whether that’s positive or negative). From here, you can begin to define and list your core values. If the association is positive, how do you protect that and increase that positivity? If the association is negative, how do you minimise that negative impact and protect yourself?

An example of this might be that you find your journal entries over time repeatedly reference your work-life and career. That the entries largely reflect feelings of positivity, determination and pride. From this, you might infer that hard work is a core value, or perseverance, or leadership or discipline. However you define it, it should succinctly state something that is extremely important to you and that you see as a key defining feature of who you are as a person.

If you’re struggling, it may help to look at lists of values and choose those that resonate with you. Some examples include:

Character values:

Integrity (doing the right thing even when no one is watching)
Honesty (being truthful with yourself and others)
Courage (facing fear or adversity with strength)
Loyalty (staying committed to people or causes you care about)
Responsibility (owning your actions and their consequences)

Relationship values:

Respect (treating others with dignity)
Compassion (caring about the pain of others)
Kindness (choosing to be good-hearted and generous)
Trustworthiness (being someone others can rely on)
Open-mindedness (being willing to hear different perspectives)

Work and achievement values:

Hard work (valuing effort and perseverance)
Excellence (striving to do your best)
Innovation (valuing creativity and new ideas)
Leadership (inspiring and guiding others)
Discipline (staying focused and consistent)

Lifestyle and freedom values:

Freedom (living life on your own terms)
Adventure (seeking new experiences and challenges)
Simplicity (valuing a life without unnecessary complications)
Balance (making time for work, rest, relationships, and health)
Growth (committing to constant self-improvement)

Spiritual and inner values:

Faith (trusting in a higher power or greater good)
Inner peace (seeking calmness and centeredness)
Gratitude (appreciating what you have)
Wisdom (valuing knowledge and good judgment)
Humility (recognizing your strengths without arrogance)

However you go about defining your values, you want to end up with a list of around 5-10 and ideally a mix of personal, professional, internal and external values. If your scope here is too narrow, your values might only serve to provide clarity and purpose in very specific situations. If your list is too broad, it can become difficult to embody your values in any meaningful way. Don’t worry about getting an absolutely perfect list straight away, that is for the final step which is:

Test and refine over time. Your values shouldn’t be a ‘set and forget’ style exercise. Once they are defined, they should help to inform your ongoing journaling habit. As you make your entries and reflect on your experiences, you should ask yourself, how does this align with my values? Did the decisions I made or the actions I took bring me in closer alignment with my values or further from them? If you are facing a difficult choice or decision, or having difficulty in a relationship, what would the course of action that best aligns with your values look like? It’s these considerations and keeping our values at the front of our minds that can help us live satisfying and authentic lives.

Over time, you may begin to feel that certain values are no longer as important to you, or that the definition doesn’t quite align with what you hold as important. When this happens, it’s not some great moral failing. Your values aren’t set in stone like commandments. They should be a practical and useful tool to help you live the life you want to lead and be the person you desire to be. If something is no longer providing value for you, don’t be afraid to revisit it and tweak it or even completely change it if necessary.

Journal prompts to help define your values

As promised, here are some journal prompts that you can use to help define your personal values. Remember, they are meant to be challenging in order to drive greater insight, so don’t worry if you find them hard to answer. Persevere and do your best to be completely honest with yourself.

Who are your role models and what values do they appear to embody?
What are the values you see in others that resonate with you?

When have you felt most proud of yourself, even if no one else noticed?
What does that pride say about what you value most?

Think about a time you were outraged by something. Why did it bother you so much?
What core principle was being violated in your eyes?

If you could be remembered for one quality after you’re gone, what would it be and why?

Describe a time you disappointed yourself.
What value did you ignore or betray? How would you handle it differently today?

When have you willingly sacrificed something important (time, comfort, money) for something else?
What does that sacrifice reveal about what truly matters to you?

What kinds of people instantly earn your respect?
List the traits they have. These traits point toward your own values.

Imagine you could create a personal “code of honor” with only 5 rules. What would they be?

What lessons have you learned the hard way, and what values did they teach you?

Which moments in your life made you feel most alive and aligned with who you are?
What values were present in those moments?

Write a letter to your 16-year-old self.
What would you tell him are the most important principles to live by?

What is something you refuse to compromise on — even if it costs you popularity, money, or comfort?

If you could only pass on three life lessons to your children (or future self), what would they be?
Behind those lessons are your most deeply held values.

Describe a leader, mentor, or hero you admire but focus only on how they lived, not what they achieved.
What values do their actions reveal?

When you imagine your ideal day (one where you feel completely fulfilled) what values are being honored throughout that day?

If you knew you would fail but still chose to act, what cause or principle would make it worth it?
(This uncovers your non-negotiable values.)

Common mistakes to avoid

Defining personal values is a deeply rewarding exercise that can bring clarity and purpose to our lives, but if you are looking to work on defining your own values, it’s worth being aware of some common pitfalls that might occur.

1. Copying others’ values without reflection.

I provided a list in this article of predefined values, and it might be tempting to simply pick those that speak to you and call the job done. Whilst it’s fine to select pre-existing values, you shouldn’t avoid the deep work. Why do those values speak to you? What would it mean to embody those values? How would you write the definition of that value if it wasn’t provided? In what situations have you lived by that value? In what situations have you fallen short and why is it important to you to strive to better embody that value going forward?

The key here is that the value should be personal to you. It should mean something for you and your life circumstances. You should understand the definition and it should provide guidance to you. Don’t be superficial here, do the work and define your personal values.

2. Confusing goals or desires with values.

Confusing ‘values’ for goals or desires is easily done, because it is a subtle (but important) difference. A goal is something you want to achieve. It has a defined time period and outcome, and when you have achieved it you can tick it off, mark it done or set a new goal. The same is true for a desire – it is something you want. Goals and desires are typically future-oriented, for example, ‘this time next year I will run a marathon’.

A value however, is something you want to embody. There is no finish line or clearly marked ‘end’. It is something you strive to be on an ongoing, daily basis. You don’t measure it in binary terms of success or failure, but instead of how aligned you are to it in any given period of time, and if some days you are less aligned, the next day you work to better embody it. A value might be ‘discipline’, or ‘health’, or ‘perseverance’. You can live in accordance with your values even if you don’t achieve all of your goals.

The reason this is an important distinction is that you can set goals without defining your values, and you may quickly come to realise that those goals aren’t making you feel satisfied or fulfilled, even when you achieve them. If you define your values, then your goals should naturally fall out of that process and achieving them should be much more satisfying, as each achievement brings you in closer alignment with your authentic self.

3. Overthinking instead of writing freely.

In the initial stages of journaling to define your personal values, it can be easy to fall into the trap of trying to define your values as you write, rather than allowing your writing to naturally uncover the things you value. You may have an idea of your core values in your head already and this can lead to you consciously or subconsciously editing your journal entries to fit your predefined ideas. As difficult as it can be, try to be as open and honest as you can when making your journal entries. You may surprise yourself with insights into what you actually value, as opposed to what you assume you value. If you go into this with too many expectations and preconceptions, you can end up with a list of values that don’t truly reflect what is important to you and this can make you feel misaligned, unsatisfied and frustrated.

Building a life around your values

Defining your values is simply the first step in a lifelong process of trying to embody and remain aligned with those values. Your journal will be an invaluable tool for keeping your values front-of-mind and ensuring you remain aligned with them. It will be the yardstick for you to measure how close you are to the man you wish to become.

If you can engage with this process however, you can benefit from greater clarity, self-confidence and sense of purpose, as well as living more intentionally and setting more rewarding goals.

I’d love to hear how you use your journal to identify, define and then live in accordance with your values, and what you have felt the benefits are.

David

Dave Bawden is the founder of This Journaling Journey, where he helps people (especially men) use journaling to rewrite their personal myths, reconnect with meaning, and define success on their own terms. He writes at the intersection of self-authorship, narrative identity, and everyday philosophy.